It’s been 3 years since we said goodbye.
I remember my mother reading this once long ago and I’m not sure I fully understood this verse. She was always adamant to teach my sister and I not to judge others. Whether it was the way someone looks, dresses, speaks, anything really. #dontjudgeabookbyitscover she would say. She would remind us it’s not our duty to judge. It’s our duty to love everyone and accept them for who they are. God will do the judging. #fastforward I heard this verse in church a couple years ago and understood what she was saying so much more clearly.
Yesterday marks 3 years without her. Three years that have gone so quickly! I feel like her time on earth was too short, but I know she is in a place without pain and suffering. #glioblastoma cancer does not judge… I am beyond blessed to have had such a wonderful mother. She taught me what unconditional love was, and I KNOW I tested her limits. 🤣 But I always felt safe, as if there was nothing that could be so bad that she wouldn’t love me. That didn’t mean there wasn’t a lesson to be learned in all things. Sometimes when my children test my limits I think of her and wonder how she made it through my teen years. I believe it was her faith and prayer and knowing what she had tried to instill in me and hoping some of it had sunk in. ❤️
I miss her more than I could have imagined. I miss what I feel like my children are missing out on not having her around. Her love, laughter, and ability to have a sense of balance.
Before she passed she told me “I don’t want to leave you, but I am so ready to meet Jesus”. I had nothing to say or argue that. From the start of her diagnosis I did not pray for a miracle. I prayed that she would not suffer or feel pain and that God would not keep her here on this earth any longer than she was meant to be. My daughter didn’t understand why I would pray for her to heal or for a miracle. I told her I didn’t feel like it was the time, I felt like my mother was at peace and she knew what was coming. It wasn’t a question on whether or not God could create a miracle, it was that I didn’t believe that’s what was meant to be. I explained cancer comes in all forms, but #braincancer is not that simple, it’s science. We were told it was mostly likely stage 3 or stage 4 #glioma and the life expectancy was short (less than 2 years) with surgery, radiation, and chemo. My mothers results came back as #stage4 #glioblastoma, the surgeon was not able to retrieve the entire tumor based on location, and my mothers system crashed when she started chemo. It was all so quick, (7 months) and each step of the way it seemed like it was preparing us for the outcome. My mother kept her faith and had peace. I was able to say goodbye and let her know that I will miss her but I will be okay. I didn’t want her to suffer for me. She then reminded me that my children will know her through me like I knew her mother through her.
While I miss her and think of her daily, it’s getting easier to find her light in the small things. Whether it’s a song such as “Amazing Grace” or “John Denver – Country Road” (which both generally make me cry if it’s sprung on me) or a woman in a store wearing a shirt she used to have. I can see the small things and smile knowing she lives within me and I carry her in my heart. ❤️
Living Simply Made Beautiful 